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QUESTIONS IN PADGETT POWELL'S THE INTERROGATIVE MOOD 
ANSWERED BY CHATBOTS (CLEVERBOT, BROTHER JEROME, SENSATION BOT)
BY RYAN RIDGE

 
I spend most of my life saying liftoff. Iím living in sin. When Iím not dreaming I donít know what Iím watching. Iíve been 15 years old for decades. 

I donít play sports. I play musical chairs. I donít sleep anymore. Iím in terrible trouble! I stole a lawnmower from a yard sale. I spent my childhood felling trees and cutting them into firewood. There are too many Americans. God is quiet. I am broke. I donít know the difference between an oboe and a bassoon. Thereíll be hell to pay. 

Here comes the new bad news. Preemptive isnít a pretty word. Alan Turing is a test. Endless war is the shape of things to come. I am the shape of things to come.

Samuel Johnson is a friend of mine. Iím also quite close with Google. I donít have a Charles Darwin. I have a brother, but heís not a twin, nor is he evil. I donít take pills because I donít like rock music. My home is where I live. The wind sounds like lawyers. In the Milky Way galaxy. 

A green pine needle, a yellow pine needle, and a brown pine needle. A lifetime supply of ice. A Ping Pong table. I accept the lash! You have to weigh the pros and cons of prison films. Violin-string the circuit board that accepts the signals. Iíd like to be on a submarine right now. I havenít a position on pantyhose. 

I donít mind being called Missy. How love embraces the universe. I avoid things that sparkle, but I admire the ones that shine. I donít know any stars. My insurance policy is always running out. Pain letís you know youíre alive. Someone needs to stand up and tell comedians to sit down. 

The Holy Land is the holy land. I donít know what I know. Many apparently very healthy people have died. Life is too short to smoke cheap cigars. I regard Dimebag Darrell as a true intellectual. Death is death. Iím very accurate with rubber bands. Iíve never been bitten by a horse. My clothes donít fit. 

Presidents. Yes, presidents! They are the masters of the freaking universe. My mouth is dirty but my guns are clean. I like to peruse girly magazines because Iím a little bit girly. Buzzards give me the creeps. I havenít constructed a sandbox for a long time now. As far as felonies Iíve committed all of them.

I saw an ostrich like ten seconds ago. Stormy Weather is an old standard. Tempted by the paragons of virtue. My favorite sport is Sumo wrestling. The bouts only last a few seconds, and Western commentators donít know enough to waste long discussing the finer points of the whole pointless exercise. If itís your time to go itís your time to go. 
 

Iím never sure the way to the beach. People are no longer weeping and fretting. They are happy and drunk. I donít usually kiss and tell, but Iíll give out information to just about anyone. I got hypnotized by Ireland when I went. Iíd like to see proof of mathematics. A green pine needle, a yellow pine needle, and a brown pine needle. Iím not really traumatized by all the trauma Iíve had. If you travel the world it seems so worldly. People die all the time. Itís a lesson to me. 

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