I shot a soldier today. The first time it was a good shot,
lucky. The log he was lying behind was too skinny for him, and from where
I was hiding behind a fat stump I could see his butt sticking out, so I
shot it.
Even behind his mask, he looked surprised when he looked to see who
shot him, so I don’t think he knew I was there. Or maybe he just looked
surprised because that’s the way you look when you get shot in the butt,
even if it’s just paint. After I shot him, his teammates took the hill
next to our base and shot my dad and brother and the rest of my team, except
for me because I knew how to give up by holding my gun up over my head.
The next time I shot the soldier, we were face to face, hiding behind
two big metal cans the paintball people put there for us to hide behind.
We were taking turns poking our heads out and shooting at each other the
way good guys and bad guys do in cowboy movies and police movies. Then
I started thinking, if he’s taking the same turns as I am, why shouldn’t
I just pop out and shoot out of order, right before he sticks his head
out? So I did.
It worked, sort of, but I also learned why people don’t do that in a
real fight, or in the movies. I got hit too. I could see my paintball flying
towards him when he was still looking out, and the ball dipped down enough
to smack him in the head. It made the top of his mask and his short hair
turn all bright green. Then his shot hit me right in the middle of my mask,
and all I could see was yellow.
I got shot two more times that day, but not by the soldier. I didn’t
see his green-smeared mask again until after our games were over and everybody
was back at the tables, taking their masks and padded shirts off and emptying
the extra paintballs from their guns. I stopped from emptying my gun to
go talk to the marine. I wanted to tell him to make sure he didn’t shoot
with somebody else that’s like me, that doesn’t know how to shoot in order,
that doesn’t know how to not make both guys lose.
But instead the only thing I could say when he looked up from undoing
his boots was Is that what it’s like?
He asked me Is what what it’s like?
Shooting, I said. I pointed at his camouflage bag with a sewed patch
that said S. MORRISSEY in big black letters.
No, he said after a little while. He started to take off his
boot. I don’t think so.
I couldn’t make myself tell him what I wanted to tell him so I walked
back to Dad and my brother and we drove home.
Now when I think about paintballing it makes me wonder if maybe I helped
the soldier anyway. I wonder if maybe when he got sent away and started
shooting at people for real he’d watch his butt and not shoot with people
who don’t know how not to hit and get hit at the same time, but I don’t
know. I didn’t tell him. All I could do was ask Is that what it’s like?
and I wish I told him what I wanted to tell him but I didn’t and now I
can’t anymore.
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