shoot the top guns swarming HDT's home to submit

Welcome to my humble dwelling place of profundity -- actually quite surprised, for I've noticed a penchant for the more opulent houses of famous rap stars and basketball players on the show. I don't judge, just sayin' less might be more. As you can see, we are in an isolated 10' x 15' self-built wooden cabin just a few minutes from a wonderful frozen pond. Over here is my bed, and if you turn around, the fireplace and two chairs. Okay, looks like we're done. Thank you for visiting.

Oh but I kid, I know you want to see my means of transportation. Full of horse power and extra storage space, I like to think of my mind as a Cadillac Escalade. As for my custom home theatre, the only film I need is nature's light frolicking upon my cornea. That may seem like an overdramatic utterance, but does not dim light through branches pulse ever so evocatively?

I don't have any DVDs, sorry. The ant-like seconds of mere existence are better suited for reading. Here's my copy of The Bhagavad Gita, wherein the resignation of all worldly desires is espoused. A good book from India, where they also published this great illustrated book called The Kama Sutra. (Alas, I live alone.) I will confess that my one remaining worldly desire is acorns. I won't fully get into it -- this being a half-hour show -- but let's just say I really, really love acorns. You can read all about it in my new book Walden; or, Life in the Woods, available at your local bookseller (self-promotion is not a "worldly desire" by the way; it pays off the Park Ranger for matters I shan't disclose herein).

I fear this episode will be somewhat boring. I wish I had more stuff to show you guys.

There's a caribou corpse I spotted a few days ago about three miles yonder, and while it's "quite a sight," it's not the pleasant kind. 

Um, here are some nails and a shanty board, and some beard shavings in the corner. 

I had a tree stump that bore a striking resemblance to my wife, but I burned it last week for heat. She would have wanted it that way.

Which brings me to why I left society in the first place. The grand necessity of life is to keep warm. These so-called scientists of our generation will use the word "homeostasis," but I like to think of it as spooning. 

The months preceding my self-exile were filled with domestic trials of the most prosaic sort: she was stuck with the dishes, I with the mortgage (or, "dead pledge," if one considers the Latin and Germanic roots, respectively). Who needs symbolism when you have etymology? This perhaps is an oblique way of saying that I have replaced my wife's stately thermal rear with this sack of wheat, from which I also make my meals. 

They say you are what you eat. I hump what I eat. So what's that make me?

Ah yes, the ladder leading to the loft? The query of your gaze is a vector of soft and curious ignorance. That is where I store my acorn collection. I won't take you up there; nothing to see but a lot of acorns. A somewhat personal place for me, honestly. 

Have you ever chewed an acorn until it was soft and malleable? And have you ever formed an effigy of yourself using these soft and malleable acorns? And just one last question: have you ever cheated on your sack of wheat with this effigy made of soft and malleable acorns? 

The answer, of course, is it's really quite stunning what a noble man with modest means and a lot of time can do when completely nuts. Speaking of which, in a few minutes, my soft and malleable acorn effigy and the warm rump of my wheat-sack wife and I have scheduled an afternoon threesome. These sessions of passionate victual intercourse are one of the many unexpected pleasures of long-standing solitude. You may or may not wish to document it. Regardless, thank you again for visiting.


Forevermore at http://eyeshot.net/waldencribs.html

Jimmy Chen does this

Also by Mr. Chen, please note A Book Lover's Guide to IKEA Seating, featuring the now very famous "Franzen Chair"


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