I (when I refer to myself I mean this Cartesian latchkey bastard of Mtv MP3 ESPN Nike A-Rod getting 13K per at bat UFC Friends reality programming books are a tragic waste of time AOL lol ? can’t buy lewd CDs in Wal-Mart but can read cunnilingus confessionals in Cosmopolitan in the checkout aisle Paris Hilton infrared Photoshop of Illuminati pulling the strings on an endless spiral of conspiracies Beyonce BEE-YATCH! bitch-slapping to keep my pimp hand strong Global Warming Cingular cataclysm won’t grant me privacy in my public spam and spyware always in MySpace serial murderer pedophile stalker internet webcam porn Nintendo virtual reality on a hybrid Xbox Playstation bling-bling my bling-a-bling won’t you play with my bling-a-bling? Revlon supermodel waif puking to political correctness government welfare FEMA and Hurricane Katrina and a chocolate city decline of the middle class Exxon XXX Cialis fucking us with $75-a-barrel lubricating oil Massengil Crest suicide bombers bombshell newscasters ACLU suing me and you to protect me from you and you from me Wi-Fi illegal aliens basketball-shaped boob jobs boob tube junky Hip Hop ghetto life Pro-Lifer kill all the infidel motherfuckers) am not.