The man's therapist was a wonderful woman. She was the only one in the world who knew everything about the man. Sometimes, after a very emotional session, he thought she knew him better than he knew himself. It made him feel safe to know he was understood. But there was one thing that he was too afraid to say out loud.
How should the man tell the therapist his secret? Should he . .
* Write the therapist a love letter? Go to 2.
* Trick the therapist into making the first move? Go to 3.
* Have his glove puppet Meyer do the talking? Go to 4.
The man worked on the love letter for days. He wrote down all his feelings for the therapist, and some of the things he would like to do with her. When he had finished, he put the letter in a special envelope that smelled of roses, and sent it to the therapist's office.
Unfortunately, as the man walked home from the mailbox, he was bitten by a dog with a rare disease -- dog disease.
When the therapist read the man's love letter, she was flattered, but not surprised. It wasn't the first time one of her clients had fallen in love with her. After all, she was an attractive woman. It had to be expected that the men she talked to every day would start to fantasise about her life outside the office.
When the man next came to see her, the therapist looked at him sadly.
"I'm sorry," she said. "It would be against the rules of my job."
The man cocked his head.
"I'm not allowed to see any of my clients outside of this room."
The man got down on all fours like a dog.
"Think about your relationships outside of therapy. That's what I'm here for."
The man ran around woofing as if he was chasing a stick.
"You've got to turn your feelings for me into feelings for your family. Go and visit your father!" she said desperately.
The man ran out of the room, down the stairs and into the street, where he was hit by a bus.
Go to 5.
On the same day the man decided to trick the therapist into making the first move, he invented an anti-gravity machine that could fit in a pocket! Unfortunately he was knocked on the head and forgot about it.
At his next appointment, the man lay down on the couch as usual.
"I'm going on a date," he said, "but I've forgotten how to kiss."
He was trying to sound casual, but the words came out all funny. The therapist didn't say anything.
"I know it isn't your job, but I thought maybe . . ."
Oh well, it was said now.
The man closed his eyes in shame and stuck out his lips just in case. What was the therapist doing? She could be frowning or shaking her head and waiting for him to make an even bigger fool of himself. Or she could be on her way over, her heart racing like his. Could that be the smell of her perfume, the tickle of her hair as she bent down to kiss him?
The man opened his eyes. She was on the ceiling. No! He was on the ceiling. He was on the ceiling, and she was down on the floor, staring up at him in surprise.
"Help!" the man shouted.
"Oh my goodness," said the therapist.
At that moment, a police car passed by outside. Its radio equipment interfered with the anti-gravity machine in the manís pocket, causing him to fall from the ceiling and strike his head on the corner of the therapistís desk. (Ask your teacher to explain radio interference.)
Go to 5.
The man knew he could depend on his puppet Meyer to hold his nerve.
When the appointment came, Meyer looked the therapist right in the eye.
"Hey, good lookin'," Meyer said. "You know, I, I think I lurve ya."
"I said I, I think I lurve ya." Meyer winked.
The therapist, who was having a very bad mescaline trip and thought she was under attack, brought out a pistol from under the desk and shot the man twice in the hand. Meyer howled, and the therapist panicked and fired again. This time, she hit the man in the chest, and the howling stopped, dead. (Your teacher will talk to you about the effects of the drug mescaline.)
Go to 5.
The man died wishing he had never told the therapist his secret. The therapist was so upset by the man's death that she had to visit a therapist herself, with whom she became infatuated.
When he was small,
the man had thought to himself, "It'll never happen to me!" But it did
happen, and if you aren't careful, it could happen to you.
[Forever after at http://eyeshot.net/sears.html]
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