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Q: I searched my gmail account for truth, in order to find an essay that I started months and months ago on the topic of Lies and Liars. I thought it was long gone, why is gmail the heat? -- Reed

A: A fascinating question. Gmail is the heat because, like boxcars on an infinite track, it is the closest online e-mail provider to the sun. Gmail is the mercury of the e-mailing solar system; it is Jupiter, too, with rings. It is the messenger, the great god, it is the online e-mail service of choice for everyone who's everyone, perhaps because it enables such easy access to the truth. Old essays about lies and liars are everywhere within everyone's gmail account. Search your account for truth, oh noble eyeshot readers, and discover therein all the glories pertaining to lies and liars. I can't help it, like a monster rabbit I just searched my gmail account for the word sunsets and pughish and found nothing, however, thereby proving that gmail really deals with the heat of diamond days. "The heat" is an alternative way of saying something is "hot". You, Reed, are the heat for asking this important question. The heat has not been turned on in my apartment, but I don't think it will need to be for quite a while. Beware the heat who come by and bust you for smiling on a cloudy day. Oh my.
 

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