SCRAMBLE THE STACKS!
ACTUAL SCRAPS OF TEXT STOLEN FROM THE ULA'S PUBLIC FORUM,
THE HOTTEST NEW SOURCE FOR LITERARY REVOLUTION
NOTE - ULA stands for Underground Literary Alliance. They are real. Their manifesto is here. They are strident. They have reasonable ideas about the role of zines in literary culture, but they present them in the bashing manner of one-eyed zealots. The editor of the online literary webzine you're currently reading spent some time last week agitating-to-absurdity after the ULA ridiculed a fellow literary journal. What's below is a feat of copying, pasting, and arranging text. We realize the inclusion of this excerpted discourse may bring visitors to a group that primarily seeks attention, but we also think that it would be fun if a few brave souls go to their message board, respond to a thread or two or start a new one, and have some fun with those fuckers - ENDNOTE
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Name: Lee Klein E-Mail: fuckface@eyeshot.net Date/Time: 4/19/102 10:29 AM Subject: I Have Tried My Best Dear ULA, I have been following the discussions on this
board, and while doing so, I have attempted to create a piece of imaginative
prose that would match the literary ideal
I have tried and I have made my attempt available to everyone in the world, free of charge. It is accessible here: http://www.eyeshot.net/b1.html I would like to know if you think my effort has come close to meeting the ULA mark. Thank you for your consideration. Lee Klein * E-Mail: xxx@yxhxx.cxm Date/Time: 4/19/102 3:35 PM Subject: Re: I Have Tried My Best I tried the link but all I got was somebody's creative writing assignment. Funny thing, I got drunk one night and played with the refrigerator-magnet poetry set for a half an hour, and pretty much came up with the same thing (except my alliteration wasn't quite as painful). yours truly, Cxllxn * Name: Lee Klein
Well, I guess that means you don't like it much huh? Too bad. I committed myself to one letter of the alphabet in order to work within a structure that would, at first, seem to limit possibility. This limitation represents today's publishing world, the way in which the entire scope of literary endeavor is ordered by only a handful, similiar to the way in which the all words available to us are arranged in that entirely arbitrary presentation seen in dictionaries called the alphabet. Most readers have very limited vocabularies and so by choosing to include overlooked and archaic words, those that have been neglected and pushed beyond the boundaries of our language, I am offering opportunity for these words to be revived and incorporated into everyday usage, which directly parallels the ULA's attempts to bring peripheral writers to the attention of the literary center. Further, by presenting a rangy comic narrative within this oppressive formal structure, I demonstrate that there is hope for the marginalized to live lives that are active and even bawdy, whether they are underappreciated authors or relatively unknown words. The alliterative style I picked up from Dean Koontz, by the way, an extraordinarily popular writer who recognizes how much readers enjoy the raucous repetition of first letters etc. Very truly yours, Lee Klein * Name: Mxchxxl Jxckmxn
Good writing doesn't symbolize good writing. Good writing doesn't need a Clement Greenberg or Sven Birkerts to drone on for pages in order to explain why it should be appreciated. * Name: Lee Klein
But Jxckmxn, it's a beautiful allegory, an extended symbol, it's my way of fictionally expressing the ULA fight through something other than the obvious to illustrate the obvious fact that you guys are on the right track, like the way the alphabet seems like such a given, yet it's really rather opressive if you think about it, and it's the same damn thing with the literary world. I'm creating myth for you guys and you're throwing onions at me! * E-Mail: xxx@cxxcagorxxdxr.com Date/Time: 4/20/102 3:14 PM Subject: Re: I Have Tried My Best (snort) OK, I've been too bizzy to websturbate for the last couple days, but jesus, this sounds fuggin hilarious, I gotta go check it out... yeah, dood, the alphabet is keepan uz down brutha ththakhhg lkash flaskfhkfhl sfhlhflfhkhf * Name: Lee Klein
Thank you, Xnn, for your snort. Upon careful review of the interactions on this forum, I have found yours the only to combine honest insight and warped humor, and therefore consider you a trenchmate in the fight against bullshit, regardless the originating acronym. Beware abecedarian tyranny! Run to thy nearest Barnes and Noble and scramble the stacks! We can show them that we will not stand for Bukowski to come after Beckett! Only when this nearly imperceptible, insidious hierarchy is revealed for what it is will we be free to renew the literary order! I sign my real name, taking full responsibility for my words, Lee Klein * Name: Lee Klein
Comrades! As consistent readers of this venue will remember, in a previous post, I defended a literary work I created that symbolically demonstrated how the formal structure of the alphabet is as subtle and as oppressive in its ubiquity as today's literary publishing world. Just as the alphabet orders all words into just 26 categories from A to Z, the entire scope of literary endeavor is controlled by only a handful, by fewer than 26 magazines, publishing houses, and agents. The symbolic/representative piece I created
Further, elsewhere on this forum, I proposed that we all spend an hour today or tomorrow in our area's local chain bookstore (B&N, Border's, etc) SCRAMBLING THE STACKS of the Fiction Section! By undermining the underlying alphabetical structure
of the few literary titles available for mass
Although I live in Brooklyn, I am currently visiting
a friend in Iowa City, Iowa. That's right. I'm in the lion's den
of MFA iniquity. All around me candy-asses stroll with printouts of their
carefully constructed, dull as fuck, academic drivel. And so, just this
morning, on a sunday while the future killers (of an art their
Moody is now next to Ann Beattie, where he belongs! Easton Ellis is next to all this NYC cronies and
they're all pushed over to the uppermost stacks unavailable to all those
without platform shoes next to Carver and Gaitskill and T.C. Boyle and
Ethan Canin and Denis Johnson and it's all so wonderfully chaotic that
it feels as though, having returned to write this report, already the literary
world has yet to recover from this critically timed blow that shall send
shockwaves through the
SCRAMBLE THE STACKS! SCRAMBLE THE STACKS! ONLY BY CHANGING AN OPPRESSIVE LITERARY ORDER WE RARELY NOTICE WILL WE BE ABLE TO MAKE ANY REAL CHANGE WITHIN THE PUBLISHING WORLD! * Name: Paula Stinger
I can say that I just went to the Barnes and Noble
on
It' s hard to say if it was a success. No one
noticed. I got about a third of the A's over to the middle of the
I can admit that at first I thought it was sort of a silly thing to do, but by the time I was ready to call it a day, I could really see that'd I'd created some chaos, and it really made me feel like I had some power to jam the publishing industry at their point of commerce, by disrupting their ordering mechanism, something so simple and taken for granted as the fucking alphabet! I recommend stacks scrambling to anyone who has an hour to burn and wants to take action in a really subtle hands-on way. Scramble the Stacks! Tomorrow I'm hitting the Union Square Barnes & Noble! If you get there before me I'll hit the one in the village! Paula Stinger * Name: Sxxve Kxxtxxke
You guys are hilarious. I'd do the same thing here in Busan, but I don't even know the order of the Korean alphabet. * Name: Lee Klein
Get thee stateside! There's a riot going on, man! We're taking it to the stacks! Scramblin' the bastards! This is not hilarity! This is culture jamming! This is getting 'em where it hurts! This is bashin' their sterile nuts! This is rendering their fruitstands rotten! This is the day of infamy! Attack! Scramble the Stacks!
* Name: Wxll Rxt Blxxd
Great Scott! i just went over to the Philly B&Noble on Walnut st. on my lunch hour when, approaching the A's with subversive intent, i realized--someone had already scrambled them!! i turned and ran down the "up" escalator, pushing people to the side, knocked over a display rack near the entrance, bolted thru the door and across the street, car horns blaring at me, into the park, deserted on this rainy afternoon...i stood looking around, wet strands of hair hanging over my glasses; i yelled out, "WENCLAS!!...WENNCLAAS!" ...but there was no answer. p.s. use caution with this scrambling thing, lest you inadvertently un-scramble a stack and undo someone's work! * Name: Jxff Pxttxr
Sorry kids but this is stupid. I like making life mirror art. But this is life mirroring BAD art. I admit it's a good postmodern ploy. Do it with a term paper...now let's do it to a bookstore! --The only thing is that postmodernism is stupid. And I have a sense of humor! The alphabet is neither the enemy nor the joke. Nor the vehicle for worthy play. You're just killing time. Yeah, mess with their heads...skin deep. Fluff. A dead bookstore is a scary thing indeed and they are scary close to being dead today. But messin with the stacks doesn't help. There's no message there for the masses or anyone else. Oh, it's *chaos*. Sorry.... Actually, it's not. I think it's predictable. It's what a bored postmodernist would do. I'll let it perk. But my hunch is that it's no
go. My hunch is that this is NOT hardhitting ULA action. Action is cool,
nuttiness is cool, but we gotta back up a bit here
* Name: Lee Klein
Mr. Potter, I appreciate your effort so far with the creation of this forum, an area which has attracted much notice among many NYC-related circles. It has attracted me to the ULA and I am attempting to forward the issue, to use this forum as a vehicle for decentralized action. "Scrambling the Stacks" is not a post-modern academic idea. I have no idea what you mean by calling this a postmodern action? What is a postmodern action? I know what postmodernism is, more or less, as well as anyone, and I really can't see how it's "postmodern"" to attack the stacks and reorganize the shelves in order to make a statement about the way big publishing and massive bookstore chains are in cohoots, maintaining the literary order by controlling what's produced and what's available . . . "Scambling the Stacks" is more akin to logo-jamming, the sort of thing you see and read about in Adbusters or Naomi Klein's excellent introductory essays on sweatshops and logos etc called "No Logo." It's a subtle prank, superficially, that works on many levels, akin to the tossing of tea into a harbor! It's not about french philosphers or the simpsons, by which I mean postmodernism - it's about books, what's produced and what's available. The alphabet thing simply calls attention to the fact that this is all about order. The major chain booskstores such as Barnes &
Noble and Borders are starbucks-addled monsters that destroy good independent
stores that aren't so arm-in-arm with big publishing (or big coffee). By
focusing the point of protest on the stacks of massive boosktores, we call
attention to the often unnoticed actions of the supply side (publishers/sellers),
and by scrambling the stacks, we create a situation which calls for our
opponents to reorganize the books on their shelves, this time including
underrepresented writers,
If you think we're attacking the alphabet, you're too literal minded to be a part of this campaign. It's important to be able to make that metaphorical jump regading the alphabet, to understand the subtlety employed, for the opponent moves in ways that are not at first obvious as well. This is a literary movement, after all. We understand metaphor. We understand analogy. We understand that all is not simply what it seems! Again, Mr. Pxttxr, I appreciate your effort enabling this forum. Please consider the validity of what I've expressed above, and whatever you do, don't think this is a joke. Lick this boot! It might be the one that kicks open the door. You never know. Peace and action, Quaking Mountain of Intellectual Jelly (AKA Dr. QMIJ) * Name: Mr. Cxrtxr
Call me a fascist, but I sort of like the alphabet... Cxllxn * Name: Mr. Cxrtxr
This whole alphabet-metaphor revolution or whatever you want to call it sounds a little too self-absorbed. You have a bunch of hip 20-somethings running around rearranging shelves, basically performing an act of "revolution" that's akin to an inside joke. Ohhh the danger! When my fat, over-sensitive aunt Sally starts complaining that she can't find the latest John Gray because some asshole thought he was a hot-shit revolutionary, I'll send her your way, Lee. Then you'll know what real danger is... Cxllxn * Name: xnn
Would the dialogue get funnier if I waited to point out that nobody is going to LITERALLY do ANY of this? I feel clunky... * Name: Lee Klein
It is not a question of what happens now, of how
many
In recognition of this, in order to free us from the shackles of an opressive alphabet entirely, I have spent the afternoon coming up with a new alphabet. I can't demonstrate any of the letters here on this forum because the computer I use still uses the old alphabetical system, of course. You see my predicament. But I will work on it through the week and maybe by next monday i'll have a new keyboard ready for all of us to use. What I envision however is not just a new alphabet but a new language! Why talk of such superficialities as literary taste with regard to work created in the language of the past! What we need is an entire new form of literary expression! A language based on an alphabet primarily depicting gestures, shouts, emotions, unseen things, complete abstractions such as smelling something stinky to entirely earthbound letters that would represent (and sort of look like) stepping in shit, for example. If we're really talking about literary revolution, let's not just set out to change the surface of the publishing world, let's change the whole language! Moody's not the problem - it's the language we type in - it's all tapped out. With fist in air and middle finger partially erect
(a depiction of this will be our new "J") I ask you to join us as we forge
the language anew!
* Name: Mr. Cxrtxr
Your attempt at mockery is extremely lame, Lee. It's supposed to be humorous, right? Well, I'm laughing, but it's a woeful laugh at how truly idiotic you are. In the words of my abusive father: "You disgust me!" Tah tah,
* Name: Quimbling Mountain
Cxllxn? Your fucking name is "cxllxn"? You've gotta be some rich fuck. No wonder you're so developmentally sidetracked, trying to figure out why your parents tortured you so, straight outta the birth canal. I suppose the joke about your middle name being "lingus" has been made one too many times . . . although you probably changed it from Cleatus. * Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
Just in case one of you smartasses actually tries it, though, I'm telling you now, if you put Chandler in the romance section I'm putting my foot up your ass. I'm talking to YOU, Mr. Lee Klein. dxxg * Name: Jxff Pxttxr
As I recall this prank was a tangent based on someone doing corny postmodern cut'n'paste on someone's article. * Name: Lee Klein
Not at all, Mr. Pxttxr. First of all, the idea behind "scrambling the stacks" was NOT initially intended as a contra-ULA prank. I conceived of it as a sort of adbusters-worthy culture jamming intended to illustrate the publishing companies/booksellers' control of what's available to the people. To a small extent, this very real notion of scrambling the stacks in mass-chain bookstores included a bit of jocoserious abstraction regarding the alphabet, aka fun. But a few ULAers got bogged down in the alphabet joke, unwilling to see the overall and very real arc of the campaign because they stalled on the inclusion of a dash of essential human levity intended to lighten things up. Someone comes up with an idea for action and you all sit there with your thumbs up your asses - revolutionaries! fuckheads more like it . . . . I will act alone. * Name: Jxff Pxttxr
Is foul language radical? Or literate? The Scramble the Stacks prank idea came up after the discussion of writing cut-ups. I don't see it as being decentralized AT ALL. It's reactionary, offering nothing of its own. I don't really see how it highlights the limited offerings and control of big stores either. I like the idea of the ULA getting a "bad" name for doing things like asking tough questions, exposing corruption, mocking bad writing, publishing superior writing. --Not for being dingdongs. There's a diff. There's plenty of room for jokes, pranks and actions that do what you say is your goal. I just don't see yet that your prank has any such effect that you imagine it to. Sure, keep thinking of possible actions, if one seems to hit a chord or even a funny bone I'll be all (message truncated) * Name: Kxng Wxnclxs
Your problem, Lee, is that you're hopelessly brain-damaged. What's all this postmodernist posing? That's not what the ULA was intended to be about. That was the LAST thing we were intended to be about. We've engaged in serious actions, trying to draw attention to the corruption of the literary world. Are you at all interested in that? Will you send an e-mail to the publisher who shafted writer Lisa Falour, and help us in that action? Will you join our ongoing protest against the Rick Moody award? Prankster acts have a place, but they're no substitute for serious behavior. But all I've seen from you to date is clowning. Maybe "Lee Klein" is not your real name. Maybe your real name is Bozo. * Name: Lee Klein
I will not do these things, for doing such things, engaging in such conduct, would mean that I'm interested in being a ULA member. You call me a brain-damaged clown, and every organization
needs its resident jester, but I, Karl, am
* Name: Quivering Mountain
Furthermore, I like Moody's writing. I enjoyed
Garden
State and Purple America in particular. I saw him read at HousingWorks
in the city, a bookstore at which all profits go to helping the homeless,
and he read the final story from his latest collection, and it was insanely
real, about his sister's sudden death. Mr. Moody was stopping to wipe away
tears every few lines and when it was over the whole crowd let out a relieved,
I am not a hardnose ass-kicking idealist. I am
a bozo. I do not have strong opinions on one thing or the other. I have
liberal idealist leanings, but am careful to see the otherside. Strong
opinions lead to things like nazism or
* Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
A spineless, limpwristed, embarassingly weepy wuss. With terrible taste, if that Moody story is true. (I have my doubts.) You're like the guys in the HBO show OZ who get passed around for packs of smokes and end up doing table dances for the meaner, tougher prisoners. Nothing particularly interesting. Dxxg * Name: Quivering Mountain
I am a wuss. I'm a lover not a fighter, baby. Moody story's the truth. I'm sure a little google research would dredge up a confirmation. Or you could ask DeLillo: he was standing next to me. I don't have cable. So I haven't seen Oz. But
you all certainly imprisoned. And if I were in there it'd be for
You and a lot of the insecure lashing out on this site reminds me of the way fat, nasty, totally unattractive men look at outrageously beautiful women and bad-talk the guys at their side, then turn their fat fuggin' necks and see a slightly chubby women who they immediately call fat ugly bitches etc, even though those women are ten miles beyond their reach. From your online aspect, I suspect you couldn't get laid in a nunnery of partially reformed nymphomaniacs, bitch. * Name: queasy knoll
Not even if those partially reformed nymphomaniacs
* Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
* Name: Threatening Volcano
* Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
I OWN YOUR ASS. * Name: Death Match
Hey BASSxxx, You're so full off ass it's stuck
in the
It's midnight, bitch. Ready to die? Dxxg Bassxxx on 4/23/102 11:23 PM , yanking his tiny pecker and inserting a hot paper clip into his urethra, smiled and said: CAN I BLOW YOUR ASS? * Name: Matt Laundro
There you go again Dxxg with homosexual references.Maybe
it's because butt-fucking is so REAL, man, and raw. Especially sans lube.
* Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
Matt Laundro on 4/24/102 8:45 AM said: >>There you go again Dxxg with homosexual references. That's right! You see, Laundromatt (Dxxg leans back, lights a pipe) the eyeshot guy is a troll: that is, someone who came here just to fuck off. Which is fine, it's a noble way to waste time on the internet. I, personally, enjoy trolling guys like that -- ie, getting them to lose control, so they forget the little performance art piece they're so carefully working on. Eyeshot was a relatively easy mark. He's stick-stone stupid -- inadvertantly revealed that it was all a prank, proudly asserted that he was a wuss. All I had to do was attack his obvious soft spot, his insecure masculinity. I did, it worked. Now, you might say, doesn't revealing my plans ruin things for me? (Dxxg pours a glass of Langvulin). Well, see, I've already won, Laundromatt. I own his ass. He knows it, I know it. He knows that I had him pounding his keyboard, desperately trying to assert a masculinity he already denounced. So I may well ignore him completely after this. It'd all be anticlimatic anyways, huh? Or maybe not. We'll see. * Name: Eyeshot's Long-Range Missile System
I am a troll. I sleep beneath bridges and feed
on goats.
Take that bitch: booya! * Name: Dxxg Bassxxx
Thou art either certifiably loony or a troll, my friend. I'm still betting on number #2. Remember: if I find it misfiled it's your ass, Cochise. * Name: Quivering Mountain
I am neither a looney nor a troll. I am a golden
god! And I could kick the shit out of most anyone's enraged
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