Trauma-Rama,

A couple of weeks ago I was doing some filing at my father's law firm (I work there) when this really cute guy came in to deliver something to one of the people who work there. He was so hot that I knew I needed to talk to him, so I started slowly wandering over to where he was waiting in the lobby. "Hi," he said as I passed by him. 

"Hey," I said, "You dropping something off?"

"Yeah."

"Cool."

"What are you doing?"

"Filing."

"That's cool."

"I guess"

"What's your name?"

"Samantha, what's yours?"

"Doug."

That's when I hit him square in the jaw.

- Samantha Delahoyde

Trauma-Rama,

It was pretty hot this summer, so a lot of times you could find me in the ocean. I was there a couple of weeks ago with my friends, just swimming and screwing around. We took a break for a second and suddenly we saw all of these super cute guys walking our way on the beach! I decided to find some way of getting their attention, so I ran and dove into the ocean and pretended to be struggling with a shark that was trying to eat me. But instead of trying to help, all the guys just started sobbing and falling to their knees in agony. I quickly ran to them. Through their tears they explained that they were staying at the local resort as part of a conference of survivors of horrible shark attacks. Most of them had lost all of their family members. When I tried to get close, when I tried comforting them, they'd push me away and tell me "what a horrible, horrible person I was." It was sooooo humiliating! Now my friends won't even talk to me!

- Samantha Delahoyde

The other day, I was at the mall with my best friend, when she noticed this really cute guy that went to our school and was working at the food court. She dared me to go ask him out, or at least just say something to
him. Well, I finally got the courage to walk over there. I pretended like I was going to order something, but I started stuttering and I threw up right in front of him! I was so embarrassed! I just ran away and covered my face. But, the next day at school, he asked me out! I later found out he had a vomit fetish.

Thanks,
Wendy Gamez

Trauma-Rama,

A few years back I was ice-skating with my major crush at the local pond which freezes over every winter. We were just going around in circles, making small talk and doing a bit of flirting, when he leaned over and tried to kiss me. I was so nervous but it went perfectly. We decided to sit down and make out a little more. While we were kissing, some of the ice cracked and a little boy fell in. And wouldn't you know it, it was my brother! I was so angry I skated over and started throwing big slabs of ice at him and poking him with some of the sticks I always carry in my backpack. Several people pulled me away and helped him out. He had to have three toes removed and I got two years juvenile probation. I was sooooooo embarrassed!

- Samantha Delahoyde

Trauma-Rama,

One day, while I was sitting in my History class, I started falling asleep (it was so boring!). I didn't want to fall asleep though, because I'd get in trouble and I didn't want to take the chance of snoring and really embarrassing myself in front of all my friends. I couldn't figure out what to do, so I decided that I'd just try and answer the teacher's questions, even if I didn't know them, just to stay awake. When the teacher finally called on me, I had just started dozing off and was caught by surprise. I just blurted out the first thing that came into my head: "Sometimes, during the cover of the cold dark night, I frighten myself by imagining the cruel and wanton destruction that Adolph Hitler unleashed on mankind. Then I ponder, how would things have turned out differently if he had been born with red hair, had four of his toes missing, and regularly wore dead animal skins and aluminum foil to 'stop the space-monkeys from messin' with his head?' And what if he had a fondness for creamsicles, because after all, who doesn't enjoy a refreshing ice-cream treat now and then? Why, I bet you he even slept with a stuffed armadillo named 'skippy,' in order to assuage his fears that he wasn't quite tall enough for the likes of the discerning German women. It's about this time that I begin to chuckle softly to myself while I soil the bed." I later found out that my History teacher had asked who had seen the movie "Saving Private Ryan." I was sooooo embarrassed!

Wendy Gamez

Trauma-Rama,

Three weeks ago I got my driver's license and was sooooo excited to finally be driving. My parents had bought me a brand new Jeep for my 16th birthday, so understandably I could wait to show up at school in it. I got ready in a hurry on Monday morning and headed off for school. I drove by really slow so everyone would see me, but just then I got my period! I was soooo embarrassed. I parked quickly and tried to cover everything up, but I quickly realized that it wasn't my period at all but the Ziploc baggies full of ketchup I keep in my pockets at all times had started to leak. Now everyone at school calls me "Little Miss Keeps Ketchup In Her Pockets For Reasons No One Understands." It was really humiliating, but at least it helped me get a date to the Spring Formal.

- Samantha Delahoyde

Trauma-Rama,

About a month ago my high school was in full swing with elections for next year's class officers. Being really popular (I don't like to brag, but it's true), I decided to run for class president. I knew that my competition was stiff, as the captain of the football team and another really popular girl were running as well. The night before the big speech reading were to happen, I spent hours writing and re-writing what I was going to say to really impress everyone and get myself in office. The next morning I was so tired that I woke up late and had to rush to get ready. At one in the afternoon, right after lunch, it was time to deliver the speeches. When it was my turn, I went up to the podium and pulled out my speech. But it wasn't my speech at all! It was the liner notes from my new ABBA album. Not wanting to look stupid, I just picked the first song I saw ("Dum Dum Diddle") and read the last bit of it:

And we'd be together all the time
Dum-dum-diddle, to be your fiddle
To be so near you and not just hear you
Dum-dum-diddle, to be your fiddle
I think then maybe you'd see me, baby
You'd be mine
And we'd be together all the time
Wish I was, dum-dum-diddle, your darling fiddle

Needless to say, it was really embarrassing and I didn't win.

- Samantha Delahoyde