How can you stay with a fat "girl" who'll say: "All men have secrets and here is mine. So what difference does it make?"

But no more apologies, I'm too tired, and I'm feeling very sick and ill today. I know that I'm the most inept that ever slept. Oh the alcoholic afternoons, this charming man. I would go out tonight a jumped-up pantry boy; I haven't got a stitch to wear. You shut your mouth. I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does. There's a club if you'd like to go.

When you say it's gonna happen "now" well, when exactly do you mean? All my hope is gone. All the streets are crammed with things, you handsome devil. Let me get my hands on your mammary glands. I crack the whip but you deserve it. A boy in the bush is worth two in the hand. And when we're in your scholarly room who will swallow whom? There's more to life than books you know but not much more. The sun shines out of our behinds, we can go wherever we please. The people stare.

I'll probably never see you again, iron bridge. I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour. I was looking for a job, and then I found a job. Caligula would have blushed. In my life why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye (a shoeless child on a swing, some nine year old tough who peddles drugs, and Mr. Shankly). I just want to be seen in the back of your car. I just want to be tied to the back of your car. I would rather not go.

Are you still there? Slap me on the patio. Shove me on the patio. I had a really bad dream about you last night and I fell out of bed twice. Haven't had a dream in a long time. It lasted 27 days.

You can pin and mount me like a butterfly.

No one talks about castration, the rain that flattens my hair... these are the things that kill me.

I didn't realize you wrote such bloody awful poetry. But, Keats and Yeats are on your side. And if you must write prose and poems, plagiarize, take on loans. Vicar in a tutu, oh yeah, take me home tonight; I have just opened a crate of ale.

[This is a shout out to pony, Jude, Tippy Headroom, Hott, Tadow, marty, bear town, karl, dhopper, Friday, sergi, Plaintive wistful sad gloomy, Kyel, ramon, lbankester, squidink, harry s., deedee, deitrich, streisand, and horsey sauce. In honor of the efforts of these citizens of Hattiesburg, Mississippi in their efforts to become the largest The Smiths fan club in the world on meetup.com, this short piece uses only Smiths song lyrics to portray some particular message had the band lived in Hattiesburg. I am not quite sure what the message means, I just know that it points to the Meet-up for next month as needing to be held at Applebee's -- a certified meetup.com sponsor for the Hattiesburg-Laurel area.]