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9/3/02 - 10:37PM addendum

soon. 1.5 hours or so to be exact. something new. the way it was. every few days, something new! are you excited? we are very much. oh, it's gonna totally freaking rock! it's gonna be balls out! shit! goddamn! to borrow from the poet george clinton, we're gonna get off our asses and jam! to prove how excited we are we've turned this page a weird color!

there will be something tomorrow and it will be good and from then on we will proceed as we have in the past, but better since we're rested and ready and gonna come out rippin'. when we say "come out rippin" it doesn't mean we'll have anything by anyone you've heard of, like say a new short piece by former professional baseball player vida blue, shooty babbit, bake mcbride, or even al bumbry, but it'll be good enough for this shitty website, dammit, and the picture will be totally sweet, dude. and if you don't like tomorrow's offering, come back late thursday or friday or anytime this weekend because we got a real jewel lined up that, remarkably, has nothing at all to do with anyone raping a donkey with a poisoned cornstalk or any sort of sexual dementedness of the type for which we fear we are becoming reknowned, or better yet, notorious. this fall, we'll try to post more fiction that's good and less weird shit involving eviserations. if you are one of those people who like to write weird scenes involving eviserations, please send them here as long as they're well-rendered and somewhat funny. everyone likes a good eviseration or a decapitation or a whatever: loss of limb is rad, we all know that. and we suppose the only way to end this long fortnight of providing nothing is by providing a zen koan that involves eviserations (koans are really short stories intended to suddenly enlighten the listener). so, in conclusion of a week of providing nothing at all, here's a koan involving eviseration that, as they always do, is all about nothing; or mu, pronounced moo, meaning nothing.

"there is no point or the point is nothing." john cage, silence, m.i.t. press, cambridge, ma, 1961. tomorrow, the point is something: promise. one more day of alternation.

hello visitor. nothing new until there's something new. we apologize for saying we'd put things up, then failing to follow through. we suck. one day there will be new stuff and new stuff will continue for years uninterrupted. we are actively accepting fiction, oddities, confessionals, incomprehensibles, plagiarisms, IM transcripts, clever manipulations of text to spur moments of laughter, as well as creative, critical, narrative reviews of book reviews accessible online; creative, critical, narrative reviews of gestures, moments, projects, objects, animals, clouds, sentences, words, letters, punctuation, images, sounds, human body parts, roads, anything. we would also like to see shortish fiction rendered in sass and swerve that, like the late abbie hoffmann, seeks to entertain and enlighten. send submissions to abbiehoffmann@eyeshot.net. we're not sure if abbie hoffmann spelled his name abby hoffman, but we know it doesn't matter. nothing matters: we've been saying that for two weeks now.

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nothing but this. and a quotation from horace bushnell, as quoted in paths of the mound-building indians & great game animals by archer butler hulbert, the arthur h. clark co., cleveland, ohio 1902: "when there is activity, or enlargement, or a liberalizing spirit of any kind, then there is intercourse and travel, and these require roads. So if there is any kind of advancement going on, if new ideas are abroad and new hopes rising, then you will see it by the roads that are building. nothing makes an inroad without making a road. all creative action, whether in government, industry, thought, or religion, creates roads."

hello visitor. nothing new today, not really. the last few months of postings have been added to the drop-down menus, which have been overhauled: no longer is the fiction side, the left-side drop-down menu, organized by gender and in terms of a piece's similarity to a lover, husband, or wife. for awhile we had it that way, then we quickly thought it idiotic. so it's been reorganized again. take a look for yourself. no use wasting words. click the left drop-down and see. the right side has a few new categories including confessionals, incomprehensibles, and clever deviltries. click this. here's a picture of an executioner lamb. also, please realize that now is the time to attempt to contribute to this website: submission recommendations are available here. other recommendations for things we've begun looking for appeared below on 8/21/02. we would also like creative visitors to write and contribute sequels to pieces already on this site. here are the first lines from five "ready-to-use letters" found in a guide to intimate letter writing by jeanne georgette, cambridge house, new york, ny, 1943:

1. "i have read your letter so many times it is beginning to show signs of use but i know that you don't mind."

2. "just the other day i noticed a big sign on top of a building; it read 'midtown hotel for joyful living.'"

3. "just the other night a group of friends dropped by and asked me to join them in a game of bowling."

4. "sometimes i imagine how much fun it would be if i could be your commanding officer, ________."

5. "ever since we met, i have been wondering what your favorite activity is."
 

hello visitor. there's really nothing new today. except for a formatting change. the text for 8/22/02 was once larger than it is now but now it's smaller. it looked too annoying the way it was. originally we planned to increase the text size each day until it overwhelmed the screen. but we've decided against this plan. no picture today. instead we offer a quotation from m.i. kalinin's on communist education published by the foreign languages publishing house, moscow 1951: "if you avoid exclamations and rhetoric in your agitational and propaganda speeches, and do not admonish or lecture your audiences -- i realize, of course, that it is somewhat difficult not to sometimes -- your agitation and propaganda will, undoubtedly, be far more effective." we can't help it: here's a picture of eleven-hundred pounds of pig, fast asleep.

hello visitor. nothing to see here except this picture of a bicycling accident at the central iowa railway club.

hello visitor. there is nothing new again today. not until september first . . . . last year this was new . . . . this year on this day we humbly announce that we have restored the complete contents of something that was removed for a few months as we tried to convince people to like it who would (ideally) help get it transformed into an object for which the reading public would exchange money. we are now pretty sure that this transformation into object/product will never happen, so we offer it to the world, for free, on the freaking Internet . . . . we also announce an opportunity for creative visitors to send elaborate reviews of book reviews found online for posting on this website. these reviews of book reviews would not necessarily have anything to do with the book originally reviewed, but the reviews of the reviews should try (ideally) to specifically refer to a specific book review at least a few times . . . . have you tried the archive alternator yet? it randomly selects from 65 hand-selected pieces previously posted herein . . . . we would also like it if creative visitors were to write creative reviews of things or products or moments they have experienced recently, like a bar of soap, or a can of soda, or a dried apricot, or a play in a baseball game, or a gesture seen on a television commercial, but these reviews would (ideally) be free-rangy and associative a la the very famous and overly alluded to proustian madeleine, a springboard for textual mishy-mashing, rhetorical quishy-chomping not necessarily having much to do at all with the thing supposedly under consideration . . . . if we were posting new pieces we would probably post this today. . . . we would also like it if creative visitors with digital cameras took a smallish picture of their face every day for a week and then sent the pictures to us, with each picture titled "monday," "tuesday," etc.  . . . . someone calling themself "famous athlete" has posted something entitled "no amount of audible gargling can ever quite sequester my turgid, yet faintly titian-esque anemic graffiti" on the area for textual encounter . . . . . we would also like it if creative visitors sent exciting and occasionally humorous short fiction that's interestingly rendered in prose and has not much to do with childhood or childhood memories or childhood fears of vampires . . . . please send bits of text or images regarding solicitations mentioned above to it_will_snow_soon@eyeshot.net . . .  as you can see, we are still not capitalizing, although we did capitalize one letter above because we thought it looked weird lowercase . . . . we have increased the size of the text again and made the column wider (compare with what's below) . . . . here's a picture of a murder of black cattle on a hot day in iowa. here's a picture of a white plastic bull on a white clam shell in a wooden box illuminated by morning sunlight.

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