RACES CONDUCTED WHILE DOWNLOADING
TWO OR MORE FILES SIMULTANEOUSLY
FROM NAPSTER IN ITS WANING DAYS
BY JOSHUA ROBERTS
1.
FILENAME: Sports-Giants win the Pennant, SIZE (bytes): 347,315, USER: nolocon, SPEED: T3, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: The Ramones-Happy Birthday, Mr. Burns (Simpsons ep), SIZE (bytes): 695,066, USER: udienow!, SPEED: 56K, RATE (k/s): various WINNER: Sports-Giants win the Pennant
2. FILENAME: Tube Bar-Call 06 (Ben Dover), SIZE (bytes): 999,748, USER: macusin7, SPEED: Unknown, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Britney Spears – Oops!…The Mic is On and I Didn’t Realized [sic] (Rock in Rio 2001), SIZE (bytes): 1,433,600, USER: sillym, SPEED: T3, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: James Bond Theme, SIZE (bytes): 1,679,331, USER: ohyeahhh,
SPEED: Cable, RATE (k/s): various
WINNER: Britney Spears – Oops!…The Mic is On and I Didn’t Realized [sic]
(Rock in Rio 2001), PLACE: Tube Bar-Call 06 (Ben Dover), James Bond Theme
eliminated through Transfer Error
3. FILENAME: Dusty Springfield-Son of a Preacher Man, SIZE (bytes): 2,369,410, USER: uasdf44, SPEED: DSL, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Leonard Nimoy-Put a Little Love in Your Heart, SIZE (bytes): 2,426,880, USER: gargleme, SPEED: T3, RATE (k/s): various WINNER: Leonard Nimoy-Put a Little Love in Your Heart, handily
4. FILENAME: Bjork-Army of Me, SIZE (bytes): 4,681,728, USER: screamer, SPEED: Cable, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Aphex Twin-Speed Racer (Porno Mix), SIZE (bytes): 5,297,371,
USER: sklluv, SPEED: T1, RATE (k/s): various
WINNER: Aphex Twin-Speed Racer (Porno Mix)
5. FILENAME: Tsunami-David Foster Wallace, SIZE (bytes): 5,646,461, USER: papywrst, SPEED: Unknown, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Aphex Twin-Star Wars Theme (Mix), SIZE (bytes): 5,926,912, USER: saywut?, SPEED: 56K, RATE (k/s): various WINNER: Aphex Twin-Star Wars Theme (Mix). Oddsmakers take note (see
#4).
6. FILENAME: Rolling Stones-Cocksucker Blues (long version), SIZE (bytes): 6,616,494, USER: ellisdee, SPEED: T1, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Orbital-Halcyon & On & On, SIZE (bytes): 6,813,696, USER: ravemon, SPEED: DSL, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Au Pairs-It’s Obvious, SIZE (bytes): 7,545,859, USER: rmutter, SPEED: Unknown, RATE (k/s): various WINNER: Rolling Stones-Cocksucker Blues (long version), PLACE: Au Pairs-It’s Obvious, SHOW: Orbital-Halcyon & On & On 7. FILENAME: Frank Zappa-Brown Shoes Don’t Make It, SIZE (bytes): 8,357,878, USER: mldyfig, SPEED: 28.8K, RATE (k/s): various v. FILENAME: Massive Attack v. Mad Professor-Cool Monsoon, SIZE (bytes): 10,344,617, USER: brillobro, SPEED: Cable, RATE (k/s): various WINNER: Massive Attack v. Mad Professor-Cool Monsoon, no contest
[This piece was originally submitted to mcsweeneys.net,
and upon hearing no reply for an extended time, the author submitted the
piece to Eyeshot. If the author eventually receives a favorable reply from
the former, this piece will be removed from the latter's archives. If you
feel this piece merits inclusion on the former site, please let
them know. Thank you.]
|
B R A V E S O U L S R E C E I V E
|
Zadie Smith's "On the Road:
American Writers And Their
Hair"