monroe's doctrine #1
P I E R C I N G
I R R I T A T I O N
BY JACK MONROE
it's becoming increasingly clear to me that anytime i invite anyone to attend some function it means i am inviting a pair of people. Hmmh . . . an irritating trend but not in the sense of annoyance as in encephalitic mosquitoes.
more in the sense of irritation as of a nerve and the reflex action produced. For example, that habit of the mouth to water and the canine teeth to ache upon the sight and smell of a bloodrare roast beef on a carving board. i quite firmly believe that solitude is the best companion, especially when coupled with the occasional yet not frequent bouts of lustful licentiousness.
i have often considered the benefits of a more regular liason or a said simply a steady girlfriend. Most notably would be having someone regular enough to keep track of my bills in a timely fashion; someone who would notice smells in the apt. before my poor nose with its disabilities ever could; and of course regular copulatory compensation.
call it a sense of settlement and belief of contentment, but it occurred to me that my needs would be better served by a bookeeper and a cleaning lady, and while a girlfriend, lover, or sl*t would provide my physical wants, the side effects of such, occasionally and more likely more often, produce a negative utility unlike that resulting from any sort of platonic companionship. but from time to time doubt enters and irritatingly searches for a new belief. while solitude makes the best companion, it makes a poor date.
i am acutely aware of how many times i cause a group to have an odd number of participants. with this doubt irritation starts and it is said the irritation ends with the doubt. the most i can hope for is that a doubt will be replaced with a belief i believe to be true. but i think each one of my beliefs to be true, and, indeed, to say so is irritating.
other works by jack monroe