President Bush, in televised address to the American people:
"My fellow Americans: Today is the dawn of a new America. Today we embark on a cause that shall doubtless provide undeniable challenges. It is a cause that shall doubtless be fraught with danger and difficulty. But it is a cause that will doubtless bring our great country, from the green hills of freedom to the blue shores of discovery, a noble and happy return. It will bring us a world that is safe from treacherous murder and needless death.
"Last year, 40,000 of our very own Americans were killed by guns fired by idiot people. And today, I stand here and announce that we are declaring war on idiot people with guns. We know we are right; we know our cause shall not perish. Just as we declared war on terror after 3,500 of our very own Americans were murdered, we have a new cause. 40,000 Americans. Dead. Never coming back. For what reason? Idiocy. My administration will make sure, it's got to end."
Vice President Dick Cheney, on NBC's "Meet the Press":
"Guns don't kill people. Idiot people with guns kill people. You've got to keep the idiots from getting their hands on the guns. It's that simple. They threaten democracy by killing people who live in this democracy. They threaten capitalism by killing people who are essential to a capitalist society. They're nothing more than traitorous moles who are trying to bring down this great country of ours. We spend $100 billion each year on gun violence. It's got to stop. I realize it might contradict what good Americans have stood for in the past. And I realize there are some public interest groups that might be offended and even revoke their support of this administration. But we are standing on the cusp of a new world."
Attorney General John Ashcroft, on CNN's "Larry King Live":
"We are not getting rid of guns. We're getting rid of the idiots with guns. We declared war on terror because terror came to us and picked a fight. We declare war on idiot people with guns because idiot people with guns have picked a fight. And you don't pick a fight with Americans. 40,000 Americans, dead, for no reason, other than some idiot shot them, or some idiot put the gun in a child's hand. It's time to hunt down the idiots."
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, during press briefing:
"Are there problems with the system as we have set it up? Yes. We are still working to perfect the system. Are we are going to stop our cause just because somebody disagrees with us? No. We reserve the right to ascertain which people are the idiots with guns and which people mean no harm. That means being covert in our operations. That means going door to door, rounding up people who strike us as suspicious. That means taking time to ascertain what these people are trying to do. That means holding them for a specific period of time, which differs greatly from person to person. It's not an easy task to determine who is an idiot and who is not. No one comes out and admits to being an idiot. And it's not something that can be completed in a day. It will take time. But we will win this war."
Secretary of State Colin Powell, on NBC's "Today":
"My job is the make sure people understand why the administration is taking this tact. There are 40,000 Americans who are dead, and we know the reason. This administration wants to free the world from that reason. First in the U.S., and then, as situations develop, on the international front."
Former NRA president Charlton Heston, in a faxed statement:
"After taking counsel with the president, and after a period of introspection hastened to extended length due to the onset of an unexpected but delightful nap, I have decided that the war on idiot people with guns is a just cause, and the rioting should stop. Also, the Dakotas should be returned to the U.S. government."
Former CBS anchor Dan Rather, in exclusive interview with NBC's Tom Brokaw:
"I've said it to you, my friend, and I'll say it again: I am not an idiot. Yes, I have a gun. Yes, I shoot the gun. But no, I am not an idiot. I do not belong behind these bars."
British Prime Minister Tony Blair, to Parliament:
"I can understand President Bush's challenge and I therefore support his administration's efforts to rid the world from idiot people with guns, particularly where they threaten us most. There are pockets of resistant idiot people with guns in every country in the entire world; the evidence is indisputable. But that will soon end. We shall join our American allies to end this threat to the international public."
Banner hanging from the Eiffel Tower:
Natalie Maines of The Dixie Chicks, in an AP news report:
"We are personally very frightened."
[Forever after at http://eyeshot.net/idiotguns.html]
B R A V E S O U L S R E C E I V E
Archive of Recent Activities
Long-Ass List of Contributors
Last Year Today
LET IT BE WIDELY KNOWN THAT
the western coast of america is advised to spend the next few days
attending the hobart/monkeybicyle tour