Of all the college pastimes
I discovered and indulged in,
Gossip, study, romance,
I most loved drinking gin.

I found that when I cut it
With just a smidgen of vermouth
It made others more appealing,
My wit that much more couth.

Then early in my sophomore year
I happened to discover
That Bloody Marys in the morning
Helped me to recover.

It was then I stopped because
I saw where things were leading.
The deeper that you cut, you know,
The harder stops the bleeding.
 

She was going through her questions,
The ones they always ask.
Is it information that they want,
Or to put you to the task?

It came out that my friends and I
Often went out drinking.
“Twice or thrice” a week, I said,
Without really thinking.

“Even at your age?” she said,
“Just for drinks and song?”
“Indeed we do,” I said to her, 
“Want to come along?”
 

He only appeared well-informed
When you ignored what he said.
And there was that ugly incident
With his first wife on her death-bed.

But more than that his manner
I couldn’t bear to take,
The smug and sanctimonious
Speeches that he’d make.

And then his love for dinosaurs,
Which always seemed to me,
Politics too smart by half
for its own ingenuity.

Calculated to suggest
A child at heart he’d stayed,
It instead left the impression,
He’d never come of age.

He was mean, and shrill, and misinformed,
And casually glib.
I just thank God he’s finally gone,
I’d had enough of him!