I like very much. I laughed out loud once. Which means you win. I format - send link - you confirm - I post one day.

That's a really good story. You set it up with the mundane movie talk and then hit 'em with tastefully-contained-within-reality surreality. I like very much.

This is a nice story! I will try this technique with the water sometime soon! It is very endearing. I actually like the story. I like it's patience and pacing and coyness and all. I'll gladly accept it.

I like the immediacy. The curtness. It flows. You can skim and absorb everything simultaneously. And there's enough disturbing stuff to make it cut. And so, I thank you for submitting and I tell you that in a few days or so I'll send a formatted version of the piece for you to review and then sometime in April, the piece will appear on the homepage. 

I am drinking beer and watching Monday Night Football. The score's 34-10 (as you well know) so I just hit "mute" and read your submission. I guess you prosified some poems, huh? Well, I like them a lot and I'd like to post these. 

You ended this piece with the words "you watch," which is pretty much the way one gets something accepted here.

I like these poems. They are like pop songs. Really cool. I'll format them and send you a link that you will click to see how they look. Then they'll go up within a few weeks. Thank you -- Eyeshot's Nice Editor

See, that's what I'm talking about. You really write nice hyperbolic sentences, over-the-top fireworks stuff - You really write well, but it's all sort of impossible to read since there's no narrative thread - But when you bring it a little closer to the surface (assuming the incomprehensible stuff is deep deep deep underwater), your stylistic-type talent accentuates everything and makes the simplest little story fun to read. So hell yeah I accept this! And I appreciate that you preformatted it, although I'm not sure how easy it will be to work with - we'll see. You see what I'm saying though, right? I think you could try writing simple funny stories in the same controlled / out-of-control style as the incomprehensible stuff. It's clear you sort of mastered the incomprehensible thing, but it's a dead end, I think, because it's not so fun to read. With stories like this dream thing, however, you get to have fun with the language AND do so in such a way that entertains the reader. The other stuff is really only self-indulgent, while this stuff is much more generous and will win you much admiration and love and ladies and fancy cars and handheld clouds and diamond appliances. Thanks again. I'll format this, edit it very slightly (word or two here and there), then send it to you for review. And it'll go up sometime before November. 

I like the way you wrap this one up all nice and tidy like with a smile. I thought some of the opening bits included a few clichés, but they were balanced with flip-flops and cell phones, so fine. I don't think the word sibilant can be used unless you're writing a parody of William Faulkner, who seemed to use that word on every other page. So . . . . I'd like to post this. Hell yeah! With the word sibilant deleted from the proceedings.

It's great - the quickness, not your poem/essay. The quickness with which something can be written and submitted and then - lo! - accepted, all thanks to this new thing called the Internet, which it seems is responsible for enabling such correspondence velocity. I think the Internet might catch on . . . ."if you count the letters on your fingers" is funny enough for me, not that everything on eyeshot is funny, not hardly at all. in fact, i prefer the semi-incomprehensible stuff sometimes, that which makes little rational sense yet makes sense more than ok for the piece - not a stickler here, not no one who likes sense much, thankfully, and so/yet, it would make sense to include your submission (poem! - essay! - story!) in the opening round, or initial deployment, of eyeshot's hindenburg complex 2002 manifestation. That means that one day soon I will send you a link to your piece as it will one day appear on the eyeshot home page - it will be formatted and fitted with a picture of my choosing/taking that has nothing directly/logically to do with logic - and it will also include your name, which will ideally be fitted with a URL to another work on another site, or if need be, an e-mail address - but i think it's better if people read more elsewhere than contact you, because they're probably more apt to read more than contact anyway. So I will send a link and you will review it and say "looks great" or "there's
a weird break in line 7" or "change this word to that" or "the picture's really terrible - please change it - it would embarrass my mom." Then once everything's ok, I'll send you the link to eyeshot one day with a cheesy little thing about you being "within eyeshot" and that will signal you to tell everyone you know, forwarding the link to the world. This system works.
Its effectiveness has been proven time and again. Thank you for your submission. It's a fine one, in tone and texture, just about what I'm looking for - even though it doesn't involve sex with severed limbs, any mention of the messiah trying to make his way thru weird contemporary settings, gastrointestinal distress, hair products - nothing like that . . . Thanks again:
Eyeshot's Editorial Score of 490 on the Analytical Section of the Graduate Record Examination

Wow - you like Zappa, play sax, and write real nice too! Plus I liked what you sent. Plus it seems like you're German. Plus my name means "small" in that language. It refers to my ____. Thank you for submitting this. I liked the breath of it. I will format it and send you a link for review. I will not use your picture, however, although it is very beautiful, in a sort of 1978 kind of way.

It is no small moment when a writer in Arizona submits his work to an editor in Brooklyn, especially when that editor's been eating banana chips and his hair's all a-mess. In recognition of your brave transmission, if you are agree, we shall publish all of your pieces in one shot, beginning with the subject line of your email as the title, then the emailed intro text, then all four pieces. In this way we will need not choose among your submissions, and further, you shall be rushed farther along the mild ride to immorality. If you would prefer to have one (possibly two) of the pieces included separately (one soon; the other later) that's a possibility, however it's not something we prefer, and since we're editing this Eyeshot thing, dammit, we now realize we shouldn't have provided an opportunity to choose, for offering choice is what gets us into many a mess, but we've already written words and all our words, like sperm, are sacred -- all that trash about customization back in 1999 was no good, no good at all - would we be bombing afghanistan if we didn't have the opportunity to choose among four different sizes of 20 different coffee drinks, then the opportunity to choose to accompany our selection with milk of several varying levels of fat content (including non-fat and soy) and various natural and artificial sweeteners, not to mention the potential for including one of more than 20 italian syrup shots in that drink? In Nicaragua, coffee comes in one size, and it's heated in a cauldron. So we reluctantly offer the second mode of publication, although we prefer the first -- "the all-in-one shot" -- which is better because it's rarely available to Arizonian writers. The all-in-one keeps us all out of trouble. All for one; one for all, etc, yeah.